According to a Brit tabloid Home Porn Star Paris Hilton got fucked by none other than lard-assed drug fiend Jack ‘what the fuck has that guy ever actually done’ Osbourne, son of intoxicated train wreck Ozzy. And his lovely wife Sharon.
Ozzy was oblivious to the news until Sharon let it slip during an interview, at which point he remarked “He didn’t shag her, did he? Well done, my son!”, which is of course how most fathers would react 
Now, I’m no oil painting, but really, Jack ‘what the fuck has that guy ever actually done’ Osbourne? Do you think it was the money, or did he have a bag of that candy that Paris is so fond of that clinched the deal do you think?
All I can really say is: Why the fuck didn’t you Tape Paris Sucking Your Cock? And if ya did, where is the damn thing?
